UNDERSTANDING BRO ELI’S MASTURBATION BLOG

Here are excerpts of his masturbation article, misconceived and wrongly judged:

Source: esoriano.wordpress.com

Bro eli used 1cor7:29;31 which speaks of sexual restraint as you have to live as though unmarried, and not abusing it, in this regard is marriage. The Greek word used for “abusing” is “katachraomai” which means “to misuse”, meaning, we must not live in the ways of this world, the lifestyles of this world permitted for us, to misuse it for evil, such as sex. Thus pointing inevitably to the reality that we must not use marriage as a ground for our sexual perversion such as masturbation as masturbation per se under normal circumstances, without any compulsive element, is sin.

Masturbation is lasciviousness, meaning, unlawful sexual act. It is a sin that merits hell, if done accordingly.

lascivious

[luhsiv-ee-uh s] 

adjective

1.

inclined to lustfulness; wanton; lewd:

a lascivious, girl-chasing old man.

2.

arousing sexual desire:

lascivious photographs.

3.

indicating sexual interest or expressive of lust or lewdness:

a lascivious gesture.



Galatians 5:19-21
[19]Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,

[20]Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,

[21]Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. 

Lasciviousness is any unlawful expression of lust such as masturbation, unlawful in the sense that there is no law permitting anyone to masturbate under normal circumstances thus being classified as “lasciviousness”, it must be avoided which as god said, merits hell.

Considerably, in cases of compulsion as bro eli emphasized, “force of circumstances” such as when intolerable sexual urge brought about by high level of sex hormones which if beyond self-control you do it, it is logically, not wilfully consented thus, it is not sin. 

Whatever you do, it must be wilfully.

2 Corinthians 9:7

[7]Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give (contribution, judgment, gospel) not grudgingly, or of ANAGKE (constraint, force, compulsion): for God loveth a HILAROS (willing) giver.

Meaning, giving judgment on certain issues, on personal matters must not have elements of compulsion. You must not be forced to do something or you must not do things by force regarding religious practices such that when a situation arise, such that judgment is not wilful, but forced, it is not considered sin, if you do evil things like for example, a kleptomaniac stealing. He don’t sin bec he was forced to do it by intolerable internal compulsion. 

Only things done wilfully merits punishment.

Bec masturbation, due to high level of sex hormones, which naturally, if it forced you to it, it is in this occasion wherein you do not sin. It is not by wilful consent.

Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D. said:

At this instance, you are forced to masturbate whereas actions to be considered punishable, must be wilful evil.

Hebrews 10:26-27

[26]For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins,

[27]But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries.

Bro eli enumerated some situations which he thinks is not sin.

Masturbating as an alternative bec a wife is pregnant or has “monthly visit” and saying, I don’t recommend masturbation as scapegoat for immoral sexual addiction, bro eli apparently is saying, logically, masturbation is permitted only when youre under “force of circumstances” or if youre forced by internal compulsion which causes involuntary responses,

And,

If youre forced to do greater evil such as infidelity, bec of these compulsive elements brought about by natural sexuality, the intolerable sexual drive, wherein it push you to another woman for sex, masturbation as the second option must be preferred if by any chance there is no other option.

Personally, that is my logical analysis of bro Eli’s teaching.

IGLESIA NI CRISTO: THE OBSCENE AND PORNOGRAPHIC CHURCH!

I have two reasons why I come to this observation. This persecutive church, in many explicit cases, as openly committed against bro eli soriano, has yet to deletes all tangible evidences online largely kept by many people to at least redeem themselves by denial of any malicious misdeed afterwards in the future which presently, they cannot progress at that point of making themselves appear clean, such that, they could rise from the stigma that revealed their utter hypocrisy, which, rationally cannot be undone now.

A snake would always be a snake.

One of such dirt that draw them down, as stigma that identifies their real skin, is their obscene and vulgar attributes manifested in at least two occassion as far as I know.

Firstly, they promoted persistently on TV obscene and lewd porn material that portrayed bro eli soriano in alleged acts of sodomy where even without validation from any legal body, consumed with their wrath, to defame bro eli after he has demolished entirely their credibility as bearer of divine truth, has injuriously prejudiced him through explicit TV promotion of the porn komiks in utter contempt.

That is public knowledge.

You could watch it here though in Tagalog, aired in net25, paraphrasing they were saying, the komiks is too obscene and lewd, pornographic, and requested people to buy it and distribute. It implies reading smut materials is acceptable in their church. 

It is as inhumane response from abrasion caused by bro eli. They wanted to malign and destroy him as a person.

Secondly, their carnal pride where they derived inspiration from which their mentality of morality is based on are obsenities, public obscenities they participated with, as fundamental virtue, being christians, the only heir of salvation, as claimed, has shown it through advocacies of obscene shows they allowed in their church, through concerts in their own Philippine arena as shown below.

Clearly, depicted in that show is a picture of a sexual stimuli, which weak Christians, such as teenagers in that stage of high level of sex hormones would be enticed for arousal, in such a manner wherein the church, through this obscenity, pushes any weak brother to sin. Sexual arousal are stimulated involuntarily by visual stimulus such as bare body parts, such as thighs and boobs, which in turn cause mental fantasies, the weak christian may not be able to disregard, which as god said is adultery.

Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D. said:

The IGLESIA NI CRISTO has no concern for weak members to be adulterous by that approval of obscenity, literally, pushing them through that sexual stimulus, wherein the weak might respond, as a natural behavior, to fall for lustful tendencies.

James 1:14-15

[14]But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.

[15]Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.

Matthew 5:28

[28]But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

Christians were taught to protect the weak, not giving them any slight provocation to sin, instead to edify everyone, thus, being weak sexually, we are advised not to cause for their downfall in such a manner of desisting from things where they are weak such as avoiding to show them things as sexual and visual stimulus, like bare thighs, boobs etc…where they might stumble from.

Romans 14:21

[21]It is good neither to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor any thing whereby thy brother stumbleth, or is offended, or is made weak.

1 Corinthians 8:9-13

[9]But take heed lest by any means this liberty of yours become a stumblingblock to them that are weak.

[10]For if any man see thee which hast knowledge sit at meat in the idol’s temple, shall not the conscience of him which is weak be emboldened to eat those things which are offered to idols;

[11]And through thy knowledge shall the weak brother perish, for whom Christ died?

[12]But when ye sin so against the brethren, and wound their weak conscience, ye sin against Christ.

[13]Wherefore, if meat make my brother to offend, I will eat no flesh while the world standeth, lest I make my brother to offend.

Two things, that identifies the INC as an obscene church were presented above. By these simple measure, we could practically deduced one thing, they are a demonic church, who dont care for the welfare of weak members, if they would be adulterous or not, they dont care. They need to earn money regardless of who among weak members would be the collateral damage, in like manner how they regard outsiders where such evidences of deception, such as Editting videos to malign bro eli, is testament of the unreliability of any accusation they have thrown against bro eli, in the past, now and forever! and is tantamount to the tendency of doing more evil, such as how they look at obscenity favorably, and indulgent.

Practically, obscenity, unlawfully sensual, has been their primal virtue. It naturally classifies their church as demonic, synagogue of the devil!

James 3:15

[15]This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish.

Regarding their promotion of porn komiks, it was a prejudice towards bro eli. They are as harmful as a snake.

Philippians 2:15

[15]That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world;

They are anti-apostolic such as this:

2 Corinthians 7:2
[2]Receive us; we have wronged no man, we have corrupted no man, we have defrauded no man.

MUHAMMAD KILLED INNOCENT PEOPLE! 

BASIS FOR KILLING INNOCENT PEOPLE:

Sura al-ahzab
60. If the hypocrites, and those in whose hearts is a disease (evil desire for adultery, etc.), and those who spread false news (such as saying “allah is demonic” as christian faith) among the people in Al-Madinah, cease not, We shall certainly let you overpower them, then they will not be able to stay in it as your neighbours but a little while.

61. Accursed, wherever found, they shall be seized and killed with a (terrible) slaughter.

62. That was the Way of Allah in the case of those who passed away of old, and you will not find any change in the Way of Allah.
Sura al-anam

93. And who can be more unjust than he who invents a lie against Allah, or says: “I have received inspiration,” whereas he is not inspired in anything; and who says, “I will reveal the like of what Allah has revealed.” And if you could but see when the Zalimun (polytheists and wrong-doers, etc.) are in the agonies of death, while the angels are stretching forth their hands (saying): “Deliver your souls! This day you shall be recompensed with the torment of degradation because of what you used to utter against Allah other than the truth. And you used to reject His Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) with disrespect! ”

AN EXAMPLE:
(Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan Abi Dawood 4361).  

“A blind man had a freed concubine (umm walad) who used to insult the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and say bad things about him. He told her not to do that but she did not stop, and he rebuked her but she did not heed him. One night, when she started to say bad things about the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and insult him, he took a short sword or dagger, put it on her belly and pressed it and killed her. The following morning that was mentioned to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). He called the people together and said, “I ask by Allah the man who has done this action and I order him by my right over him that he should stand up.” The blind man stood up and said, “O Messenger of Allah, I am the one who did it; she used to insult you and say bad things about you. I forbade her, but she did not stop, and I rebuked her, but she did not give up her habit. I have two sons like pearls from her, and she was kind to me. Last night she began to insult you and say bad things about you. So I took a dagger, put it on her belly and pressed it till I killed her.” 

Thereupon the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Bear witness, there is no blood money due for her.”  

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Here is Islamic law regarding murder:

1. Heirs of the victim must be payed with blood money.

2. Heirs decide the fate of the killer.

Muhammad’s decline of blood money for the victim’s children suggests his approval of the crime as legitimate by avoiding penalties to be made. He consented of killing a noncombatant just bec she was insulting muhammad. Much so, as reflective of who among those who spread false news against Islam would be killed. False news as insulting to muhammad merits death penalty, reflective of how Saudi sharia penalized them by beheading such as pictured above. 

PAMELA GELLER SAID:

Source: pamelageller.com

According to the shari’a, defaming the Prophet is an act of blasphemy, the punishment for which is death even if the accused repents. This law is a Koranic decree, for Koran 9:61 says: “Those who hurt Allah’s Messenger will have a painful punishment.” The same Surah also states: “…Say: “(Go ahead and) mock! But certainly Allah will bring to light all that you fear. If you ask them (about this), they declare: ‘We were only talking idly and joking.’ Say: ‘Was it at Allah and His verses and His Messenger that you were mocking? Make no excuse; you have disbelieved after you had believed. [Koran 9:64-66].” In addition, the Sira literature (biographies of the Prophet) and the Hadith include many instances in which Muhammad ordered to kill his maligners or praised his followers for doing so. In the Muhammad’s era, writing poems against him was considered an unforgivable crime, and many poets were killed for this, including the Jewish poet Ka’b bin Al-Ashraf, who would ridicule the Prophet. According to a hadith, he was killed by Muhammad bin Maslama at the behest of the Prophet himself and with his blessing. Another poet who composed a poem against Muhammad, the Jewess ‘Asma bint Marwan, was assassinated by ‘Umayr bin ‘Adiy, who was later praised by the Prophet for executing her. Some sources state that Muhammad asked who would kill this woman on his behalf, and a member of her tribe volunteered. Two more poets killed for this crime were Abu ‘Afak, assassinated by Salem bin ‘Umayr, and  the Meccan poet Sarah, whom the Prophet ordered to kill on the day Mecca was conquered.
Prominent medieval Islamic scholar Ibn Taymiyya, considered by many to be the father of the modern fundamentalist Islamic movements, wrote on this issue: “Mocking Allah, His verses or His Messenger is blasphemy.” He wrote further: “Whosoever curses the Prophet, be he a Muslim of an infidel, must be put to death. All [religious] scholars take this view.” The late Saudi mufti ‘Abd Al-‘Aziz Ibn ‘Abdallah Ibn Bazz said: “Anyone who curses Allah or His Messenger Muhammad in any way is a heretic apostate.”
Since criticism of Muhammad is still taboo in the Muslim world and cases of it are fairly rare, this act and the punishment it merits are not major topics of debate in Islamist discourse. However, when it does occur – as in the case of Rushdie’s book or cartoons lampooning Muhammad – it is regarded as a “crime” whose perpetrator must be punished. Governments in the Muslim world, as well as the sheikhs of the religious establishment, handle this matter according to political considerations, sometimes enforcing strict punishments and sometimes lenient ones, according to the political interests of the moment.

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LOGICAL ANALYSIS:

Muslims argue that they don’t kill innocent people quoting, “he that kills an innocent person is as though he killed the whole mankind”, thus logically, when they killed those who insult muhammad through poems, satire or simply, those as they alleged as spreading false news, then obviously from their vantage point, these are not innocent, thus when christians practice their faith, falsifying Muhammad and calling him “false prophet”, in essence, they are not innocent, and by virtue of Quran, must be killed.

Obviously, it is compulsion of religion, bec they force us not to practice our faith, thus we can see elements of compulsion.

However, they said, in Islam, “there is no compulsion of religion”, which is utterly false as they prohibits practice of religion such as calling muhammad “false prophet” and allah as “demonic, false god etc…”

Conclusively, Islam use force, and compulsion.

And those who insult muhammad, such as christians, though to them are not innocent, is by far, in their terms only but in reality, are innocent people practicing religion,

AND THEY MUST BE KILLED!

Thus logically, islam prohibits practice of christianity and basically freedom of speech which if, it persists, in terms of degrading it, then Muslims must kill these innocent people, as manifestation of Muhammad’s way, inherent of Islam, as it was, and would be, a murderous religion!

THE GOD THAT BLESSED ME WITH SCHIZOPRENIA: A TESTIMONY OF AN MCGI MEMBER

Many of brothers/sisters in the church, has despised me as a brother bec I am inactive, never joining any church activities for more than 16 years. 

I was baptized on sept 29, 2000 and attended church services for almost a year before I get totally inactive.

I became a christian not by coincidence or any other reasons but bec god led mo to it, and it was, through my illness.

I was diagnosed as having paranoia schizophrenia, a mental illness that is depriving of normal social life, yet during those earlier times, god alleviated it to the point of partial freedom where by god’s grace I become a true christian. 

I wanted to share my conversion story below if you are patient enough to bear with my poor English, literary unskillfulness,and deficiency. I am just a high school graduate though I attended first year of college taking up computer engineering in Adamson university, the occurring of my illness prevented me to achieve and excel in my aspirations. God has better plans.

I was diagnosed as schizoprenic in PGH, manila, after we travelled from ifugao to manila for consultation. It was after some years, 2or 3 years of total seclusion from society before we went to a psychiatrist. During my seclusion, I was forced to seclude in a room, only being attended to by my mother, for food and necessities, and toiletries, enduring heat and closed windows as not to be seen by people, bec i was delusional that through it, or possibly, with it, the stares of people or their presence has a constraining effect on my system which forces me to hide or not be seen. 

As far as i could remember, it begun when i was in high school though i did not realized it then, i was delusional to think that my body is abnormally small, which in effect makes me feel uncomfortable with how people look at me as I feel awkward with it and found people to look at me in sarcasm and in lopsided impression. Compulsively, there was need therefore for me to double or triple my clothing to normalize my feelings. It was initially in high school and it intensified when I went to college, to the point of struggling against it yet still manage to excel in some aspect of academics. The delusion slowly builds up with elements of compulsion as I cannot bear the stares of people, thus as remedy, I went to school finding the less crowded route at the back of the university until such a time that it become intolerable bec I cannot stand the stares of people depressing my system down, as I was paranoid, intolerably, feeling that everyone is focused on me as I walked through crowds, on the street or anywhere wherein every smiles was injuriously mocking, sarcastic and deriding me, as impression to how my body is. I still struggled to go to school but noticeably, with many absences as I secluded myself often times hardly enduring the whiplash. It came to the point wherein it was unbearable, thus I decided to come home.

Nothing changed.

Progressively, I went to total seclusion. My world was consistently a struggle, as the presence of anyone around suppressed my system to the point of suppressed breathing, swallowing and movements, thus seemingly in awkward, debilitating paralysis. 

It begun with the throat as the compulsive sort of choking mechanism builds up wherein the body responded to it abnormally in suppressed manner. It results to erratic and offensive sound output that even breathing, controlled to mitigate it,  was offensive, the throat producing an audible ticking sound, that is likewise offensive thus I resorted as bodily reaction either involuntarily or by compulsion to moving in a diminished manner of motion so as not to be heard. 

Unfortunately, it was not just that. All my sound output is focused on people, thus I was an annoyance to the neighborhood by the constant ticking sound compulsively occurring in my system wherein any sound producing event or actions around, it focused on it, as it responds annoyingly, even to the point of preventing people from their activities by the repulsion and friction it caused. Its not delusion or paranoia in this case as I observed. There was observable exchanges of sound output from me and them that makes me thought so, even, someone exclaiming his resignation from continuing construction. I felt the friction.

It was after I came home from a mental facility in Baguio which did no improvement that these happened.

By this friction, as I suffered to believe, knowing I was doing something against my conscience, circumstances forced me to evacuate to other places wherein everywhere, I was hearing voices, deluded to the fact that I feel followed, thereby causing fear, dread, twisted feelings as barb on my innermost and apprehensions which none of these ever was alleviated, causing me to transfer to another more place which it heightened to compulsive hallucinations, if indeed it was, nightmares, and dreadful voices in my deluded state wherein I was immersed into my most frightening experienced that caused me, to be evacuated for medication in manila.

I believed during those times, as a story is unfolding as imposed by the delusion, i believed that my whole family were hostages as images of gore, death, and fear were transcribed in my perception through voices, my parents in agony, screaming, subjected to the worst killing and torture procedure, whereas I responded, in a disturbed mental condition.

Perceivably, everything has the element of abnormal and twisted and gloomy ambience as though demonic in essence, such that even thunder, and cloud formation denoted something, and through all, fear was in its maximal form.

All I thought was, I’ll be safe in the catholic church, all will disappear inside the church, as I purposely escaped to it, yet it was not so. So as you can see, I had faith, godly faith.

Many times, in these state of affliction, the desire to die was imminent. Yet I was not suicidal though I was obsessed to die.

I see life in a gloomy and negative way. Hopelessness overburdened me as it weighted more as I realized, god left me.

I was confined in PGH, discharged and stayed in a Catholics transient house in banaue for follow-up, still, I was not alleviated. I mentally communicated with the voices I heard around that followed me, paranoid of people I suspected as their companion, and as always, fear and apprehension was present, it lessened though, sort of reprieve, thus I transfered residence to my sister presently a college student. We lived in a boarding house in proj 4, Quezon city. Though suspicion, paranoia and the voices was there I lived in a more comfortable condition than before for at least two years.

It was during these times that I found the church of god or ADD.

I was a catholic, constantly attending mass, nearby, most often in tears and great faith, though even then, I was against idol service, and I saw it as a malady. It came to the point that I was searching for a right religion, it so happened, I thought someone attacking Mary was true, thus I joined, perhaps QUIRILLO or miracle crusade, but I was wounded during baptism, my foot was wounded by the sharp edge of the pool step, thus I was bleeding on the pavement. I was dissuaded though after a week of attendance. I feel something wrong with it.

Then, quiboloy came in the picture, attending his luneta convention even drenched with rain until almost midnight. I thought, this man is a prophet of god, persuaded by his speaking skills.

And then, came Bro eli soriano, I found through one of my bicycle escapades.

My life in manila was actually of comfort. Mama gave me monthly allowance which I used to buy a bass guitar, being young was addicted to metal bands trying to learn some skills, later on, I sold the guitar for a cheap taiwan-made mountain bike which I used to roam around, finding jobs, as messenger, and often, going farther to cavite for a swim in the sea.

One time, almost night, I came to a street corner in cubao, and saw a banner hanging on philtrust building, having the caption, “ANG dating daan indoctrination”. I was curious. The thing was never heard. I did not intend to investigate, but something happened. I know it was divine intervention through a literal prodding I felt, a literal pinch in the heart, indeed I felt that, then the strong push within, not by will, uncontrollable push forcing my feet to go inside. I went. It was a religious indoctrination session. I joined and completed the daily session for almost one month.

We were baptized and fed by bro Eli’s own cooked meal. He cooked for us.

Even during baptism, my schizophrenia controlled me, I was smiling but for the people in my head as I perceived were watching. I learned doctrines I never heard before. I attended for almost a year until the time that my schizophrenia heightened for my decision. Those people I suspected following me, as companions of the voices, who were in the community suddenly became my housemates, in the next room, and automatically, my former symptoms resurged such as the offensive mechanism of my neck’s ticking sound, to the point that I was forced to evacuate for a comfortable place, which as necessary, was home.

Here, in a remote place God prepared for me, suitable for my condition as neighbors were distant, i suffered the torrents of god’s test if only I could remember or describe the grotesque psychological, emotional and even physical torments i had such as awkwardly twisting my bones and body in such a way to cope with some unusual physical feelings vibrating in my flesh and bones or others i could not remember, i should have included them here as empathy for the chosen few who might have it. I experienced obssesive-compulsive syndrome reapetedly closing doors and windows and repeatedly washing dishes after they were washed again and again, the mind crying, please god stop it!

I endured these beyond relief or if ever there was, it was reprieve. Mama after his retirement constructed a new house here and accompanied me yet through the years i opted, as always in every case, resorted to a distant place, as i felt the compulsive power of repulsion with anyone physically in my system. I lived in the other house. And in the years ahead, bec of other relatives living at home, i was forced to live in the cr, farther away, where i have to adapt to the small space. 

During our house construction, the presence of workers as I foresee, made me to dug a grave-like hole and constructed temporary shelter where I lived through as construction is in progress, literally, I lived in underground.

I could say, god worked all these, yet in a protective and loving way, as afterwards, these fangs and razors,receded somehow to the point of apparently normal condition as i become interactive with relatives. 

But it was not, after my schizoprenia heightened to unimaginable scope of making me almost a “taong-grasa” after i was forced to leave home, strayed towards were the strong delusion and voices in my head directed my every move.

The voices in my head, as i now realized, were not by auditory hallucination but through mental perception. It builds up, gradually, as i felt, i heated up the whole community to a friction, deadly, and there was indignation around, angry chainsaws, gun shots, spits etc.. were my daily beatings, until such a time that it climaxed to the delusion of my parents hostaged, and tortured hearing their screams of agony, thus i run, and whatever happened, it led me to a 7months of wandering away to manila, living under the directives of the delusion, always in fear and apprehension as everything, people, cars etc were interconnected and part of the unfolding events i was immersed into. It was all death, gore, unimaginable killing process, decapitation, severed body parts etc..that i was immersed into twisted cognition. I lived in vagrancy, eating from garbage bins, in fact, there was food, sleeping outdoors, wet, chilled, endured three typhoons, beatings, two by civilians and one by a police as I was under custody, bec of trying to open a car as part of my delusion I was living in. 

I survived. Miraculously, I was not lost despite unfamiliar places I went to. My parents and relatives were looking for me, prayer groups were praying for me. God heard them perhaps, thus he guided me back. I miraculously found the way out, which if by knowledge, I have no way to find. God led me to it.

To make the story short, i went home then afterwards become better, then, though not completely healed as there are recurring episodes, I am better despite stopping my medication. I could interact normally as possible to my family, as my symptoms receded in a more permissible way.
One thing though I observed consistently from the beginning of my disease upto now, beginning at our first house to here, even, whereever i sleep, he is there as though posing as my guardian perhaps or my tormentor, is the constant presence of a “kilkilang”, in ifugao is widely believed as evil spirit, sounding like a bird, prominent with his “ke ke kek” sound. He was always nearby, focusing his voice to me. Oftentimes I have bad dreams, he was there as though he has something to it. 

Even now, he is present.

One thing that burdened me too, was that, there was compulsive element for me to seclude bec there were times, that internal diffulty caused me not to look on people esp eye contact. I have difficulty staring to people thus sometimes when it becomes unbearable, there was no other resort than seclude as compulsively, i cannot look on people thus if i was in a crowd, natural reaction would be like a rat, in a box full of smoldering hot water, jumping randomly in its instinct to find comfort.

Even now, i noticed recurring episodes in different intensity. Sometimes bearable, sometimes not.

Right now, life continues, and my perception of life is in different perspective than before. I feel changes in my moral approach, and closer to god, faith increased. After the worst of my struggle, i see life as beautiful, not bec of anything else but bec i love god and he loves me.

Thus, that is how i battle my schizoprenia, through faith. Faith, nurtured and being tested by adversities. Faith bred from the incorporation of bro eli soriano’s teaching I was blessed to hear even, if it was through his radio program which nightly, has revived my suffering soul. 

Though my name is absent from their membership record, by heart, I know I am a brother, so thus living by it as much as possible as circumstances permits.

This is where god placed me, not by knowledge, I become a christian, but by divine intervention called “calling”, thus by it, I know I’m in the right path as I later realized by evidences, the truth, as evident with proof.

It was 1996 when schizophrenia imprisoned me, now it is 2017, and still have it, nevertheless, I’m still battling schizophrenia but with a clear mind set, god is perfecting me through suffering!

Thus with great pride, I could say, god blessed me through my schizoprenia, the god i learned to love even since I was younger, the god of Israel!

TY